This be Hooch, the most badass man you'll ever meet (Besides Gairy). Im here to tell you about myself. I'm about 5'6'' 190, but I bench 250. I've been asked if I take steroids, of course I do. How else can you be as jacked as I am? But, seriously, guys like A-Rod are ruining it for us. I mean, why would you mention what juice you were taking? Just admit you took it and then move on. Or else, our market is gonna completely close.
Now, let's move on to my next topic, bodybuilding. I've been bodybuilding since I was 9, and now I'm 23. So, you can imagine what it's like to be me, cause I have been jacked and tan since I was 12. At every competition I take one look at the nine-year-old girls I compete against and laugh cause I know that I got it in the bag. Some might ask, are people juicin in the locker room before the competition but I'm here to tell you that I ain't no snitch, but I think you know the answer to that question. Anyways, I do like 500 kilos on hang snatch, so yeah, I'm F'in good.
Some of you might wanna ask me, Hooch, what do you listen to while your getting jacked and tan? Now, most magicians don't give away their secrets, but i will. I basically go on a steady diet of Creed, and Trapt, with a little Papa Roach thrown in there for good measure. It gets me jacked, and you have to lift hard when "Headstrong" comes on. Me and my bro Gairy probably go to the gym 4 times a week and we sneak into the room with the radio and put our CD in. It has 4 songs on repeat (Higher, Headstrong, Last Resort, and With Arms Wide Open) and it totally gets everyone in the gym grunting while they're gettin their swell on.
So, ladies, don't get too excited yet cause there's more of the HoochPooch comin at ya.
Always Jacked and Tan,
Hooch
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